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Wednesday, February 26, 2014

happy endings

Yeah, I am finally on my blog writing something. It has been long, really long, since I felt like writing something and not saying it. Saying does not help always.

This is a story about us sweet heart and despite telling myself I am not going to write any more sad blogs, I am here; I love you so much babie, I really do! I am so gonna miss you my dear.  

Oh, I need to hear your voice. 

Yes, that is my babie right there, standing right there with his arms open for  me. That is one of the coziest place on the whole wide world and I could lay on for hours and still not get enough of it. I always dreaded giving that place to some body else sweet heart. 

I cannot tell how much it hurts to see the house empty. I stand out in the cold waiting for my babie to open the door, open his arms and pull me in and let me hug. 

The laughter has fade, image blurred but memories are here to stay. 

You will walk away from me someday, I hand you the keys to our home, the place where we lived and have so much to take away. 

I pray for your success, happiness and love. Does not matter, you have to go. 
I will be here thinking every night,  how it would feel to be wrapped around your arms and hearing your heart beat and at the corner of your lips, I will lay a kiss and say, 

" I love you and you would simply say, " GORU". 


Sunday, October 16, 2011


Everybody is paired up ----except me, of course. All my friends are in relationships. Lately, I've felt like maybe I should just go out and find somebody, anybody.

Some of my friends are thinking about getting married or at least getting serious with someone. That's one reason why Sh and I broke up recently. I just knew he wasn't the one for me. Now He's with someone else! Even though Sh and I weren't right for each other, for a while there, I really wanted him back.

I feel lonely sometimes. There is practically nobody to hang out with. Everybody's out with their " Significant others." Today I prayed , " God, when are you going to send somebody my way? I' m tired of being alone.

During my quiet time yesterday, I read about Elijah. He was pretty depressed at one point. He must've felt lonely. I can relate. You know what I like about his story? The fact that God didn't just tell Elijah," Suck it up! Quit feeling sorry for yourself!" Instead he showed himself to Elijah and reminded him that he was with him.

God has been helping me not to focus on how lonely I feel. For one thing, he is still here. He is also helping me not to settle for something thats " almost right" just to be paired up like everybody else.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

If Only

I searched for you everywhere, Can't find you!

Why did you have to go that day? I wish I could turn back time and recover all that I have lost. Only if I knew that was the last time I was hearing your voice, I would have asked you not to go.
I wish there was a sign to have held you back, if I knew I would never be able to see you again, I would have never left you the time I saw you last.

If only, you were here, I would have felt a lot better. I would at least have been to convince myself to move on. I have missed you everyday of my life from the time you have left. I live with the memories from the past and can't stop feeling sorry for us. Life would have been different if you were here. It would have least been good but living here without you is so empty.

I try to get a glimpse of you among the crowd and try to listen to your voice, every time I hear a voice. I do not want to be pathetic anymore...I want you back!

I miss you dear, every single day of my life!!!

Saturday, September 24, 2011

6 days after the earthquake

Waking up exactly after 6 days after the earth quake shook us off our souls, I lie on my bed and wonder what could have happened if the tremors lasted for some extra seconds.

Many of us here have been lucky and who do we really thank that we are still in one piece and peace unlike those who perished and are history. Of course at that speck of time, we did recite and surrender ourselves to the "terror". As the news flashed the aftermath of which we could have been a part, we could not stop thinking to ourselves " It could have been me".

That was quite an escape friends! and what followed next was the series of stories from the terrifying experience. We know onto ourselves how we felt and I would fail to put that in words if I were to express it.

Now that we all have got the taste of fear and death, I do not know how many of us will now be prepared for the worst. Today, a slightest roar or a movement instills a fear that its coming again. The other night, I was preparing myself for bed and then I felt the bed was shaky and I did not lose a second to rush to my parents room and alert them, but it was nothing. (I still do not know if the earth really shook but then it did scare me.)

I still cannot forget the horrified looks on the face of the people I saw seconds after the quake, Moreover, the relief that they safely made it outside their dwellings were a sign of victory. And having the chance to reunite with your family and friends and telling them how you voyaged the experience is the story that will last a life time.

That was something friends but I still cannot take my mind off the feeling, " Would I have been one of the survivors if the earth had shaken a bit longer?" Well, that is something which is left better unanswered.

And now with the predictions that it is going to happen again, I wonder, " Will we make it again?"

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Adieu Granny

August 10, 3;19 pm

One minute to go and then three hours will pass since my granny breathed her last on this earth. If only we knew that it was the last of your days, we could have chatted long when we last met you online. You sat there patiently despite the pain that was eating through you all this while.

And now as she lies in her slumber surrounded by grieving family members, we are the ones missing. Of course, we are her family but then we just can't make it there.

My mom has lost her mother and she saw it all on the web cam. I know she is shattered but she is not showing it to us. God, please give her the strength to go through this pain.

Rest in Peace Grandmother! and forgive us that we could not be there. I know you understand the situation. We have always missed you though and will miss you for the times we live.
We never got to be with you but then we know how much you loved us. Thank you and you will always live in our memory. With you, our opportunity to call someone "Boju" is also gone.

Let the angels in the heaven guide you well and take care of you till we meet!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

after all i am just a samsung corby

Confessions :

Choosing is a difficult business. I know this out of personal experience and observation. All sorts of people come here, and they gaze, stare, touch, and fiddle us before they make up their minds. To buy or not to buy.

It took a long time for her to decide. There were many of us – of all brands, colors and castes – on display. Me, I am a black Samsung Corby hunk. I do not blow my own trumpet but I feel I am a class apart, honestly.

The salesman had spread us out on the table. Her prying eyes went from me to others and back to me. I was excited. She was going to fall for me. And as I was sure, she picked me up. The salesman and I were both glad to part our ways. He would get his money (I fetched him some Nu 8,799, not so cheap huh!) and I, my freedom. After all it was getting into my nerves for having to wait all this time. And waiting, I say out of my personal experience, is another boring business!

Once home, she unwrapped me from the box and then took me in her hands as though I were a new born kitten. Before I realized she took the SIM from her old Nokia handset and tugged it in me. That was the time when I felt that she would take care of me for life. She carried me to all places and put me near her pillow when she slept. Who doesn’t love to be cared?

She would not let her brothers play games in me, yelling at them that my battery life would go down. She updated me with the fanciest wall paper and the latest call back tones. And as she held me in her hands, she would make sure she does not drop me.

But things started to change drastically after she saw her sister’s Nokia 5233. She compared and complained. She found me user unfriendly. Messaging was a difficult task for her. And then she wanted to exchange me with her sister’s phone. This came as a huge blow to my pride. Good, her sister bluntly denied the offer. I had never wanted to depart from her in anyways but who would have understood it. She was good as a care taker.

Almost one year has passed since she bought me. I have been doing a good job too. Sometimes, I hear her talking lovingly to some people and the very next moment, she will be arguing. At times, she forgets to carry me to work and then I lie under her pillow ringing miserably till the battery runs out.

Once charged, she uses me as a device to put her to sleep by playing music on me. I try my level best to fulfill all my purposes, consoling her when she is down and lonely. She fiddles with me at odd hours looking for something. She has dropped me mercilessly many a time but I promise to be by her side always. But in the past few days I have felt useless, after she was fascinated by her aunt’s apple iphone. I am sure she has been dreaming about it since then. One thing I have learnt from humans is that, it is difficult to keep them happy for long. I can only do so much, after all I am just a phone!

Friday, June 24, 2011

Love the talk

Note: The piece is solely personal and does not bear resemblance to any living being and is truly unintentional.

I have always loved to hear Shania Twain's 'You are still the one." The songs pacifies my hallucinations powers and tells me a story of success in love and a happy ending.

Once in my true sense, I take it as a thing that happens only in the fairy tales and in the movies. The aftermath of the love stories are never shown in any of the representations that humans plot.
It does not mean that I am skeptic about hyped love stories.

I too have grown stirring butterflies in the stomach and going weak on my knees at the sight of the crush and getting attracted to the opposite sex. Little did I know that it was a momentary thing, then. I remember when I first heard of the word "Date" and I had googled it in my oxford dictionary. Although it sounded casual, it was something that excited any junior high school kid.

I had friends who were already dating by then and I wanted to do that too. The very description of it sounded cool and thrilling. Fortunately or unfortunately I never stood a chance until I reached High School. (But it has nothing to do with the post, therefore I am omitting it.)

The point of my post here is, today at this juncture of life, there are no signs of the butterflies or signs that tell me of being attracted to someone. It has become very important for me look into the other side of the coin before assuming feelings. Today, it means a long time commitment and choosing the right partner.

It no more means holding hands and promising the moon and the stars but is about being with someone who loves you the way you are, promises to love your family and welcome you to his. Living in a world that is changing rapidly and the turn of events, I feel things are meant to be this way.

Of course, it gives me a lot of pleasure when I hear about knots being tied and moving in together but next thing that strikes me is, " Will it work out the way we plan?" " What if it does not work?", Will I be ready to take all of that complications.

Fear, I guess is the correct word! I would not want to complicate anyone's life and wish the same for myself, All I dream of is a happy life and a good relationship. I would not mind a little bit of ups and downs but then I would always like to sing the song that I mentioned up and feel that way!