the sinking fairy

Growing up was definitely fun and exciting, but what made it happening was the dreamy deary world that any girl of my age would have conceived then while she readies herself for surprises. I dunno about the men lot,( Most I knew enjoyed climbing the water pipes and playing with guns).

But my army were more into dressing Barbie dolls and learning how to cook in our plastic cookware which has eventually turned into steel or bronze.

I do not know what day I decided to give away the last of my collection of Barbie and bountiful utensils. I don't even remember if I threw it or gave it away to my successors. I have probably lost it along with the love to play.

And Where have the fairy tales books disappeared? And where are the fairies that enabled me to dream of my prince charming? Had I known that fairy tales were not real, would I, have read the stories of Cinderella or Rapunzel?

I do not want to say that, I am unhappy with the turn of events in my life. Of course, I have learnt to accept things and believe that life is not all about merry making. There is no point anticipating in some mind's fictional stories. You have your own set of roles to in- tune with.

From the time we are admitted to schools, we are bound to be dutiful. " You cannot do this, You cannot do that, This is not proper, You have to work hard, You cannot go there ..on and on..there is a long list of To Do's and Don'ts.. and I don't see it ending.

Now that you are all grown up, You need to be extra responsible. You still cannot make mistakes.

This is a place where if one makes a mistakes, it is tagged to you for life. You need to be careful 24/7 days a year. You fall in love with a wrong person, you are there. People say you learn from your mistakes, but if you repeat the same mistake makes up a sin.

Earlier, I used to claim that I haven't sinned but recently there is guilt and hopelessness hovering around me. I have drank till I have puked, Smoked till it hurt my chest, and sneaked out to party. Shouted back at my mother. What good is left in me now?

I cannot say, I am a good girl anymore. I have stopped reading the Bible and miss church every alternate week.

It would so stupid to point fingers at you but deep inside of me, I have feeling, if only I had not fallen for you, If you had not inflicted this pain unto me, I would have been able to still believe in happy endings.

The image of my prince has been blurred. The pages have worn out from its books.

Someday, I would definitely write about you. Let Your Soul Rest in Peace.