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Monday, February 14, 2011

Happy Sundays ; Food for thought (Addressed to God)

I often drill my head, just to realize that the greatest fear in me is to lose someone that I love.

The first thing that comes to my list is losing my parents. What If, I wake up someday to find either of them gone. I dread to think about that moment and always pray that, " it is me who goes first."

I would not be able to take that shock. With news of death and new born every now and then,(of course the latter brings happiness but death always triggers me.) That is one reason, I want to be home. So that I can convince myself that, they are there.

But then how long? What if, I wake up one fine morning and realize it has happened. How will my family handle it? How will my brothers react? Will it affect their relaxed nature? Will my younger brother still want to go to USA? How would I tell my sister about it?

For so long, mom has asked her to leave her job in Bangalore and come home. Would she cry all the way back? She would regret it all her life.

Will things be the same again? - " No, definitely not."

I know life moves on and we humans are accustomed to all this bitter facts of life. I have seen people living with such losses and surviving tragedies but then will it be the same for my family?

I would never be the same again. It will make me a pessimist. I would stop believing in God.

But what about my siblings and my other parent. I do not want the same to happen to them.

Yes, at times, I fight with mom over stupid things and may have hurt dad but then I do not want them gone. I am used to having them around. We take them for granted.

Mom will always be there to cook her tasty chicken curry for us and shout at almost every morning. Dad would always be there to drive her around and carry her shopping bag. He would always be there to get my brothers ready for school and attend to their result days.

I have seen that my parents have been the most sincere and the most helping to almost everyone and I assume God will give them extra years of life.

I want them to see their grand grand children and baby sit them after they retire from work.

I want to see them living in the plot they have bought in Kasadraphu. I hope my mother gets a bigger kitchen and a house with a huge verdah, where she can dry her pickles without losing it. She wishes to have a big sitting room and a room for prayer.(She brings a new plan every month for her dream house) I pray all her dreams comes true. Then, dad can happily rear chickens and grow aloe vera there and play with his grand children. He would not have to worry about connectivity errors in the office. He would happily enjoy his pension.

This are little dreams that my mom and father has been struggling with for almost a jubilee years now. Something like death should not tear it apart.

I anticipate whatever I want for my parents would be taken care of. As for me, I am would be happy if my years are added onto theirs. I would not matter much, so much as to they do to us.

If I could wish for more, I would wish all mothers and fathers in the world have long life. Even their children.

Life would have been much better, if God had not had not included death in his agenda. Never mind, the population explosion. We would have handled it.

Will my putting it down, be of any help? I fear no, but then I want to take it as a plea on behalf of everyone living, sorry for those already dead that from now on ward, no families break down and no father and mother leaves this earth without playing with their grand children.

Losing other things in life does not much. I would be able to adjust with that, God, Let there be noisy mornings and happy Sundays.